Called my Grandmother today for the first time in a few weeks and told her how I've been doing the past few weeks. I explained that I'd started therapy and that I was about to start digging into my past to try and help me figure out what caused my depression and anxieties. Her response to that was "figuring out whatever happened to you in your childhood that made you depressed isn't going to change the fact that you are. You need to learn to get over it so you can move on"
I agreed, but how can I get over a problem that I can't identify?
That was a lesson that I learned while I was away in Minnesota raising babies and getting whole and healed. In order to move past something, you need to identify the problem, work through it then move on from it. My problems got to be bigger than me and instead of letting myself fall victim to it, I decided that I was going to get help.
Basically what she said to that was that I wouldn't be happy until I get the hell out of my mother's house.
Another fact that I agreed to. I've lived in this house since I was 4 years old and the demons and sadness and anger that have festered for years until they seep into all of us. It's a toxic environment and I should've gotten out of here a long time ago. Needless to say, I've gotten highly motivated.
I always feel helpless when I know that I have more control than I think I have. But no, I'm getting myself out of the victim mindset. I CAN do this. I WILL do this. I WON'T be stopped.
Something to add to my affirmations.
I am NOT a victim anymore.